The Great Commission
Game Show
by John Wayne Samples

Subjects:

The Great Commission • Faith Promise • Giving
Game Show • Missions • Prizes • Money
Hypocrisy

Synopsis:

A game show provides an easy, painless and fun way to give to others.

Purpose:

Written for "Faith Promise" Sunday Morning.
Demonstrates mission statistics and visions.

Staging:

Two contestants standing behind a table and the game show host walking around with a microphone.

7 Characters:

Host - Rich Youngman, stereotypical game show host

Mary Missionary, pretty normal. Chuckie Churchman, a little not normal. Johnny. Just a voice.

2 Assistants (no lines) & 11 "volunteers", possibly from the audience, depending on your nerve.

Props:

Buzzer system. Applause signs. Items identifiable with the peoples of the various continents. Loafs of bread.

Notes:

You should play this for all the laughs you can get, otherwise it might hurt too much.

JOHNNY
   Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to THE GREAT COMMISSION! The game show that doesn't worry with toasters or refrigerators. No, this game show Feeds-the-world!

Contestant #1 is now entering the studio. Meet Chuckie Churchman. He is from [your town]. He has intended to go on two church sponsored mission trips, but just hasn't gotten around to it yet.

Contestant #2 is Mary Missionary. Mary has spent most of her life in mission work, coming home every now and then trying to get more money out of the churches.

And now, here's your host of
THE GREAT COMMISSION, Rich Youngman!

RICH
   Thank you Johnny. Thank you studio audience.

As you know, the contestants on THE GREAT COMMISSION don't play for themselves, and don't keep the prizes they win.

That's right, they give all they win to selected needy people. Some of these needy people are now being brought to the stage by our assistants.

Johnny, who are our selected needy people today?

JOHNNY
   Rich, today's prize recipients will be ...
THE WHOLE WORLD!

But, since the Whole World won't fit on our stage, our beautiful assistants are going through the audience right now to recruit volunteers to represent all the peoples of the world.

RICH
   All-right! Let's explain to our TV audience what's going on.

These people will represent all the peoples of the world, proportionally like this -- If there were only 10 people in the world, 6 of them would be Asian, 1 would be Latin American, 1 would be African, 1 and one-half would be European, and one-half would be North American. These are the people you contestants will be playing for today.

Mary, since you are the missionary, you'll be playing for the needy people on the foreign mission fields. Chuckie, you'll be playing for all of North America.

Now, let's get on with today's game.

Contestants, Are you ready?

MARY
   Yes, I am.

CHUCKIE
   Yessir. Ah, I'd like to buy a vowel.

RICH
   Sorry, Chuckie. Wrong show.

CHUCKIE
   Sorry. I'm just so excited. I've never had a chance to help people like this before.

RICH
   Whatever you say, Chuckie.

Now, get ready to answer the first question...

How many foreign missions are supported by
[Your church]?

RICH
   Mary!

MARY
   We support [##], including [list some of your supported missions].

RICH
   That's right. Johnny, tell us what she's won for her selected needy people.

JOHNNY
   A New Loaf of Bread!

Brown on the outside and white on the inside, this loaf of bread is made especially to be eaten by the needy people of the world.

RICH
   All right, Mary. Who gets that loaf of bread?

MARY
   Well, they all could use it. Let's give it to Asia!

RICH
   Good choice, MARY. Asia now has one loaf of bread.

All right players, here's question #2. This question is worth 1 and one-half loafs of bread:

How often does [your church] have a big Missions push?

Chuckie!

CHUCKIE
   At least once a month!

RICH
   It may seem that way, Chuckie, but that's not right.

Mary, do you know the answer?

MARY
   Once a year with [whatever you call your Faith Promise drive]. This year's theme is [Whatever this year's theme is].

RICH
   That's right, Mary. You've won another 1 and one-half loaf! Where does the bread go this time?

MARY
   Uh, I think... Latin America.

RICH
   Good answer, good answer!

OK, this next question is pretty easy so it's only good for one-half loaf of bread...

How much money did [your church] give to missions in the 1990s [Or other time frame]?

Mary?

MARY
$[However much your church gave in the 90s or other time frame]!

RICH
   That's right, Mary. Now who get's the half loaf?

MARY
   Wow. This is hard. How about... Africa! They need food.

RICH
   Yes, they do, Mary, and now you've given them some. Very good!

All right. Here's question #4. This is a toughie and is worth 3 loafs of bread:

What is the theme for this year's Faith Promise at [your church]?

Chuckie!

CHUCKIE
   Uh, Show Us The Money?

RICH
   No Chuckie, you got the wrong show, again.

Mary?

MARY
   [Whatever your theme is].

I think I already said that.

RICH
   That's right again! OK Mary, all your needy people have bread already, except Europe. So Europeans, YOU take the lead with 3 loafs!

Our last Question is a BIBLE BONUS Question and is worth FOUR loafs of bread, AND all the Bibles you can carry, so, Chuckie, you still have a chance to get back in it. Here we go:

On the day of Pentecost, what form of transportation did the Apostles use?

Chuckie!

CHUCKIE
   Uh... a Honda!

RICH
   I Beg your pardon?

CHUCKIE
   A Honda. The Bible says the Apostles were all in one Accord!

RICH
   Judges. Can we accept that.

RICH
   Guess you can't argue with scriptures.

Chuckie, go get your bread and your Bibles, and Johnny, tell us about that final score.

JOHNNY
   Gladly Rich. Mary Missionary won 6 loafs of bread for her 9 & one-half people, and Chuckie Churchman won only 4 for his needy people in North America. However, he did win the bonus question, so his people also get... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 ... it looks like 8 Bibles to read.

Mary's people get the other 2 Bibles. Looks like another good day for THE GREAT COMMISSION!

MARY
   Excuse me. EXCUSE ME. This isn't right. It isn't fair.

RICH
   What isn't, Mary? You won, didn't you?

MARY
   What are you talking about? My people have to share their food with far more people than North America. And I didn't get enough Bibles for each of my people to get even 1. His people got 4 Bibles each and 2 loafs of Bread each.

RICH
   It's OK, Mary. You did the best you could. Besides, that's just the way it is in the real world. We can't do anything about it.

MARY
   What do you mean you can't do anything about it? Why can't you?!

RICH   Like caught in a trick question.
  

Theme music begins.

Because we're all out of TIME!

Thanks contestants, thanks needy people of the world, and thanks to our studio audience. Remember, THE GREAT COMMISSION feeds the world!

Music up and out.

JOHNNY
   A promotional fee has been paid by the Colonial Baking Company.

The End

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